Aside: A blog is both private and public. Private in that communication goes one way, so I can pretend that I am shouting into a void. I can find myself in the echoes – that is, I understand my own worldview by putting it into words. On the other hand, there’s no doubt that people do actually read this, which I’ve found somewhat surprising and distasteful as of late. It’s probably for the same reasons that I started cracking down on my Facebook privacy settings.
But sometimes you just have to say something. Even if it’s up to chance who hears it. Even if it’s no one but yourself.
I find myself at a few crossroads:
- I want to leave the country because I feel like I’ve more or less tainted my reputation in the United States and it would be far more exciting to see the world. At the same time, I want to stay here to become part of the Krav community.
- I don’t want to get a job in technology, because while it’s an effective tool, I don’t have a passion for technology itself, but its uses. At the same time, my most marketable skills are in technology.
- I need to use what’s left of my reserve capital wisely, but I’m probably going to give it all to my parents.
I have answers to all of these questions, but making a move on any of them is the difficult part. I have to choose which road to go down and then take the first step. And, unfortunately, that first step will set me down all three roads at once.