Leveling Up

Leave it up to Don Bora to ask the really hard questions.

After announcing that I was leaving Aggrego, Don and I grabbed lunch. I explained my plans – apprenticeship, friend’s startup, and then my own – to which he responded, “Why wait?” I am perfectly capable of starting my project now.

This is something I’m battling with on multiple levels. I wouldn’t characterize myself as a cautious person, but sometimes I wonder if my personality holds me back from jumping into experiences that are better encountered now rather than later. To what degree can you shed your risk aversion and still remain sane, or at least okay with yourself?

Why am I waiting? Why am I pursuing another startup and an apprenticeship, both large undertaking, before going after my idea full steam? Is it fear? What are my motivations?

When I played Role-Playing Games on the NES and SNES, I used to spend an inordinate amount of time leveling up, doing mindless repetitive tasks that made my characters more and more powerful. When I entered the next area, I would be over-prepared for the challenge and would often breeze through it until I could find another place that would net me the most power per unit time. I would then repeat for the next area.

I feel like that characterizes how I approach things in real life as well. I like to be assured that I’ve reached a level of proficiency before I begin an undertaking. And in programming and in other areas, I don’t feel like I’m quite there yet. But I have realized that I’m not waiting. These are just the first steps.

Friday’s my last day. So. Impatient.