Last Moments

I like to say that I will die at 29. Last night, I had to consider moving the date up considerably.

I went to open gym at a nearby facility and I was trying to throw double backflips on trampoline. Towards the end, I managed to injure myself. I rely on third party witnesses for a description of what happened because, well, I don’t remember.

Apparently, I over-rotated on the second spin and came down hard on the trampoline, which sent my knee flying into my temple, resulting in a nice bruise. After a few moments of nausea and lying on the floor moaning, I shrugged it off and went back to flipping.

AFTER driving back, and AFTER dessert, and AFTER showering, only then did I discover that I became horrendously dizzy when lying down with my eyes closed. I might have had a concussion. But I was unwilling to go to the Emergency Room. Why? Because I am stupid.

Anyway, I was bent on trying to sleep a second time, but knowing I might have a concussion, I was forced to consider the possibility that I might not wake up. What I did then was so indicative of the kind of person I am.

Faced with my own mortality, I didn’t tell anyone I loved them. I didn’t write tearful goodbye letters. I didn’t write a will and final testament.

Instead, I wrote down all my passwords and logins and saved them where anyone could find them on my computer.

I don’t know what that says about me.

What would you do if you knew you might not wake up tomorrow? What does that say about you?

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
  • Tommy

    Wow…
    Brian, how did you manage to sleep?

    • Satisfied that if I died, at least people could read my email, I just went to sleep. If I stayed still the dizziness would subside. I'm still kinda dizzy – I think I might have messed up my inner ea.

  • Ada

    Aww Brian! Umm…I dunno what I would do. But I'd prob tell everyone what I think of them (mostly tell ppl that I don't like that I don't like them) stuff like that…but um, why 29?

    • Oh, I'm pretty set on lasting until my golden birth year (28) but as soon as I hit 29, I feel like my luck is up. I'll get hit by a bus or jump off of something just a little too high. Stuff like that.

  • you could have had a brain hemmorage.

    • True. I hope the doc would have caught that, though.

  • Kin

    I did the same thing one time I had terrible terrible stomach cramps/intestinal pain. I literally couldn't do anything besides curl up in a ball in my bed.

    Dude. I have no idea what it says about me/us. Maybe I wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave a bunch of digital loose ends. Maybe it reflects our fascination with teh intarwebz/technology. Maybe in our state of confusion, that's just what came to mind.

  • If you kill yourself by not going to a doctor when you should, I swear I'll slap you around in our next lives!

  • Woah, man.

    Please don't neglect your health. If you ever get a serious injury (like this one), go see a doctor of some kind right away. I mean, you actively considered the chances of death, and yet still you didn't go get help? That's…not a good thing.

    I suppose your decision to write down passwords reflects a few things. One, it reflects on how much of your life is bound up in the internet and computers (you're not alone in that). Two, it reflects your desire that people should know who you are (the computer records leaving a sort of collage). Three, it might say something about being set apart, perhaps to the point of loneliness, that you didn't think to call anyone on your possible death-day. If that ever happens again, go right ahead and call me.

    If I knew I might not wake up tomorrow, I'd turn on my camera and try to record every idea that isn't yet recorded (though I do a pretty thorough job day by day). And I'd call people, give them my thanks and my love, and try to tell them all the most important lessons that I've learned. And I'd ask them to make use of all my ideas somehow, because I know that I have beautiful thoughts, and they ought to be shared.

    • It seemed like a lot of trouble at the time to call 911 and go to the
      hospital. I actively considered not waking up, yeah…but that's not a huge
      deal to me.

      I would say your first two conjectures are right for the passwords bit,
      while the third is off. I'm pretty secure in the bonds I do have with
      people. I just plain did not think of it. Part of the equation is also
      that I didn't think the odds were high enough to warrant extravagant
      behavior, but on the quirky off-chance that I didn't wake up, which was
      actually an amusing possibility to me, I wanted people to know who I was.

      As for what you'd do…sounds like a great thing to put on a to-do list
      someday. I might try it. ^_^

      • “I actively considered not waking up, yeah…but that's not a huge
        deal to me.”

        Well it's a huge deal to the rest of us. To me, at least. Try not to die, ok?

        “I would say your first two conjectures are right for the passwords bit,
        while the third is off.”

        Well, I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.

        “As for what you'd do…sounds like a great thing to put on a to-do list
        someday. I might try it. ^_^”

        Cool.

  • “I actively considered not waking up, yeah…but that's not a huge
    deal to me.”

    Well it's a huge deal to the rest of us. To me, at least. Try not to die, ok?

    “I would say your first two conjectures are right for the passwords bit,
    while the third is off.”

    Well, I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.

    “As for what you'd do…sounds like a great thing to put on a to-do list
    someday. I might try it. ^_^”

    Cool.