Just finished messing with the back end of this enough to be (just barely) acceptable.
Dear Sir or Madame,
Congratulations on discovering Call Me Kung, guaranteed to be the Kungiest site on the internet. Here, you will find a great deal of nothing for month- or even year-long stretches at a time, followed by a frenzy of activity for a short time, and then another long stretch of boring inactivity punctuated only by the occasional short, yawn-worthy posts that could very well have just been twitter updates.
I’m a bit inconsistent.